Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't understand the Starbucks ordering language.

   Did you know..... your middle toe is a radar detector for chair legs??!

   a super hero, with NO powers of motivation.

   BREAKING NEWS: Entire Kardashian Family Diagnosed With "Attention Surplus Disorder".

   In certain cultures its illegal to look this good

   A penny saved is just stupid, honestly what am I gonna get with it. Beside splurging on a tootsie roll.

   been spendin' most his life livin' in a gangsta paradise...

   Yeah :) ... I like it on Your shoulder ... and don't ever try to tell me to " hold it ! "

   hosting a Mayan calendar party on Dec 22, 2012. Disregard this announcement if the world ends on Dec 21, 2012. Also, if the earth's magnetic field does not reverse by then, I'm planning to sponsor a pole flipping contest.

   Everyone has that one key on their keyring that they have no idea what it's for.

   Warning Labels are ruining process of elimination

   If you need time alone, announce that it's time to clean the house.

   My parents told me I could be anything I wanted. I've finally decided. . . I want to be 21 again.

   wants all his friends to know that your "save the endangered chipmunks or whatever" petition with 5000 signatures stops in my Inbox. You will never see your precious little email again!

   I have kleptomania. When it gets really bad, I take something for it.

   No one wasted their superhero/villain potential quite like Zack Morris and his ability to Freeze Time.

   Be more concerned about your character than about your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think of you.

   Wanted, Teenager owners manuel for models 1993 thru 1996. Must be kid tested and mother approved.

   Aren't you ever tired of having yourself around??

   Never weed wack poison ivy in the nude.