Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Why be the doctor when you can be the patient? Why cook the food when you can eat it? Why drive the car when you can sit shot-gun? all these are reasons why I enjoy watching other people work. 
Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It was so poorly made, ants were laughing at it.
“I was at Arby's the other day and I thought, ‘Oh sh*t, I should take someone's order.”
Too bad there isn't an option to hear the next five seconds after someone hits end on a call. Make no mistake that is when the truth comes out.
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" has obviously never seen me doing nothing.
laughing at "suggested" friends that he will never be friends with
They should change the name from "Girls Gone Wild" to "Girls Got Drunk!!!"
It may be surprising to know that hippos are the cause of more deaths in the wild than any other animal, but you can't say you weren't warned just how hungry they were.
Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest of us just don't think it's a problem.
You hate me? I didn't even know you existed.
Go ahead, try and hang them with care and see if that holds. I'm hanging my stockings with tacks this year.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn't come back yet.
I truly hope that we will all be friends until we are all old and senile...Then we can be NEW friends!!
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back
now officaly talking to Himself but somehow I hear a busy signal in my ears. I wonder if I can get Call Waiting????? Wait.... maybe it's better I don't answer myself...
I know this is short notice, but does anyone have a bear costume I can borrow to scare the people camped outside Best Buy for Black Friday?
I'll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn't go all the way.
The Falcons won the popular Vote!
Stalin should have known communism doesn't work. There were red flags everywhere. 