Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wondering if its cool in China to get English words tattooed on their arms.

   now understands, the reason he cant find his car keys is because he doesnt have a car.

   if there is one flaw in women, it is this...they forget there worth and how remarkable they truly are!

   ‎9/11 is a perfect example of why we can't pretend airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars :P

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

   he thought he a chigger bite on his leg. I had to correct him and tell him they prefer to be called chegros now......

   Do you think when a clown climaxes, he shoots out silly string?

   If your named Will and you are in the army do you get worried when people say fire at will?

   I love the stick figure family's on your car windows they let me know how many garbage bags to bring to the murder.

   BREAKING: Sarah Jessica Parker has posed nude for Playboy - Millions of erections are feared dead.

   How many Mexicans does it take to build a.........oh shi*, they're done.

   Rise and shine to all the beautiful women of the world. Ugly women, don't get greedy, go back to sleep, your time is coming, at night. -_-

   NEWS: Lady Gaga to do naked skydive for charity. You've got to admire her balls.

   How did Mexico beat the us? All thier players live here..

   Sick of all the iPhone ads? There's an app for that.

   So what America didnt win the world cup..We still got "Two Girls One Cup"....

   Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF

   New gay sitcom: "Leave it, it's beaver."

   "It's impossible," said pride. "It's risky," said experience. "It's pointless," said reason. "Give it a try," said the heart.

   Do Obama phones immediately quit working if the government shuts down? Asking for a friend......