Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ever sat in the bus next to a stranger who smells so nice you just couldn't stop licking her neck?

   You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post's every day...

   A girl just asked what I would call a girl who would do just about anything sexually on the first date. I told her I would call her a...mediately!!!

   the brits have a royal baby we have hoeny boo boo

   Ugly girls are like prime numbers - nothing will go into them except themselves.

   Finished watching The Little Mermaid with my daughter. I believe it taught us all a valuable lesson. Men will fall in love with women if they can't talk.

   if you use "damn" as an adjective.... you might be a damn dumbass.

   no one looks back on there lifes and remember the nights they got plenty of sleep.

   Took the stairs at work today. Not to be healthy, because the elevator smelled like boiled egg farts...

   There needs to be a "Sorry I clogged your toilet" Hallmark card.

   Nothing is more conflicting to men than an ugly woman with a really nice a$$.

   I have so much sand in my ass from the beach I have already made four little fartcastles on the floor.

   Do girls imagine themselves sucking in a invisible spaghetti when they're about to take a picture?

   Not to be vague, but stuff and things.

   As students return to campus, remember, college is a fountain of knowledge and students are there to drink.

   just got my newspaper. Apparently, there's a hurricane headed for the east coast...

   Dopers all over the United States morn as Hostess announces it is shutting down operations. No more sno-balls, Twinkies, King Dons, and other comfort foods. On a brighter note, stock in Cheetoes has gone thru the roof!!!!!

   Jesus doesn't care if my gift to you comes from the dollar store and neither should you.

   are we gonna hear it all day about the stupid date? ooohhhh the numbers are the same. all my cheerios are the same too but I dont tell everyone about it everytime it happens

   Older people who have sex on a regular basis may have a better chance at avoiding dementia. But there's no such luck for anyone who happens to walk in on them.