Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Does not set out to shock or offend anyone, but also does not do anything to prevent it.

   Arkansas forecast for tomorrow ...3 inches of birds

   someday everything will all make sense

   The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

   Sorry I burst into uncontrollable laughter at something you didn't remotely intend to be funny

   Was I the only one creeped out by watching, "The Time Travelers Wife"??? Nude adult male in the woods.....Six year old girl??? Just a little weird for a movie.

   Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

   -- Magazine collectors, they have a lot of issues....

   has decided not to call them BRAs from now on and instead refer to them as BOOBIE TRAPS! coz it just sounds more fun to say

   gave a pint of blood today... too bad it was at the dentist's office

   You ever see a van so creepy it feels like the guy actually said "rape-van" when the car salesman asked him what he was looking for?

   "More fun than a barrel of monkeys." Okay has anyone ever stopped to think how pissed of, if not downright vicious, a barrelful of monkeys would be once released from the barrel?

   I finally got my wireless internet to work...this is the best thing to happen to me since the negative pregnancy test...

   i have no problem sacrificing for friends......... but it is hard to find a virgin and suitable altar

   My transformation into a baby seal is almost complete.

   According to my horoscope, I'm going to get rich today. According to my Youtube comments, I'm a "douche." Life is confusing.

   I think the cinema should give you an extra "Previews Popcorn" when you buy a "Movie Popcorn"

   Remember when I loved you unconditionally? Well the terms of that arrangement have changed.

   Maybe instead of running your mouth you should try jogging a few miles to sweat that hatred out.

   How to make a woman go mmmmmmm all nite long? …………………….. with Duct Tape