Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   dear grades, get well soon...

   I don't trust girls with mustaches.

   I got so drunk last night I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food.

   "Vegeterian" is American Indian for 'Bad Hunter'

   ever since watching the SNL skit, I can never hear BOC's "Don't Fear The Reaper" without thinking - "Man, that song could use some more cowbell!"

   The most craziest thing happened to me today...a snowman came up to me and said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Unbelievable right!?! My birthday is clearly in September! Stupid snowmen....

   Does not set out to shock or offend anyone, but also does not do anything to prevent it.

   Arkansas forecast for tomorrow ...3 inches of birds

   someday everything will all make sense

   The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

   Sorry I burst into uncontrollable laughter at something you didn't remotely intend to be funny

   Was I the only one creeped out by watching, "The Time Travelers Wife"??? Nude adult male in the woods.....Six year old girl??? Just a little weird for a movie.

   Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

   -- Magazine collectors, they have a lot of issues....

   has decided not to call them BRAs from now on and instead refer to them as BOOBIE TRAPS! coz it just sounds more fun to say

   gave a pint of blood today... too bad it was at the dentist's office

   You ever see a van so creepy it feels like the guy actually said "rape-van" when the car salesman asked him what he was looking for?

   "More fun than a barrel of monkeys." Okay has anyone ever stopped to think how pissed of, if not downright vicious, a barrelful of monkeys would be once released from the barrel?

   I finally got my wireless internet to work...this is the best thing to happen to me since the negative pregnancy test...

   i have no problem sacrificing for friends......... but it is hard to find a virgin and suitable altar