Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   No one deserves to be anyone's dirty little secret or backup plan.

   I assume "Luftballons" is German for "bottles of beer on the wall"

   EGSG «—- Scrambled eggs.

   Before we work on artificial intelligence, Why don't we do somthing about natural stupidity?

   That'll do, Jamie Lee Curtis. I think we are all now sufficiently aware of how well and often you poop. Enough.

   If you can't get them off your mind...then maybe they're supposed to be there.

   When I see someone driving the same car I'm driving, I always peer in to make sure it's not me from another dimension.

   up to no good.

   picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

   Not sure why everyone is concerned about rioting if Zimmerman is found not guilty. No one rioted after OJ got away with murder!!

   I'm Mexican, but not "cut your lawn" Mexican. I will, however, steal your job and live with 28 other people.

   Sometimes I like to order my food "to go" then eat the whole thing at the counter while staring the cashier right in the eye

   Dear girls, If a boy sends you a friend request, that means he wants to be your friend not your husband. That's why it says a friend request...

   "Addadictome",,,,,,,,,,,,,You know,, It's a procedure,,,, I think Chaz Bono had it.

   hates people who use facebook to exhibit depression and their general hate for the world...this is not therapy ppl. I dont give a f***

   how much dub would a dubstep step if a dubstep could step dub

   This status update is brought to you by your drug addiction to facebook.

   To my fb friends that are addicted to farmvillle or farmtown or whatever it is...If you didn't notice, I do not participate~ However if you feel the need to send me things, in my real world, I could use a mansion on the beach with 3 maids, 1 cook, at leas

   Dear 3rd stall over, flushing the toilet does not disguise explosive diarrhea. Thought you should know.

   Today I'm wearing my new underwear, On the front it reads "I would do anything for love" and the back says "But I wont do that"...