Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Soon Hurricane Sandy will be like Snookie... blowing the entire east coast.

   There's a reason why natural disasters have female names.

   Waiting Until after Dec 21st to do my shopping ....why waste my money ?

   If I'm murdered, I hope I'm able to write out the killer's name in blood and then "sucks" underneath

   The reality is that a lot of girls out there just aren't prepared for a nice, decent guy.

   Lindsay Lohan drives drunk, was busted for coke, steals cars, steals necklaces, and still manages to get a standing ovation on Leno!?!!

   Barack Obama will now have a book signing tour for his new book called "How I Took Down Bin Laden"

   Stupid Press.....thanks for letting the crazies know where the navy Seals families live....good job. "she can tell you about the plane crash with a gleam in her eye"

   The cops came at my house last night and told me my dogs had been chasing someone on a scooter. I told them off. My dogs don't even have a scooter..

   wondering why Tarzan doesnt have a beard?

   My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them stuff in person.

   If your parents don't have children. Chances are you won't either.

   The 3 C's of life; Choice, Chance, Change. You must make the Choice to take the Chance if you want anything to Change.

   Baby, you are my number one, even my number two knows that.

   People who dream big sleep a lot.

   Have you heard about that new film about the tractor? I only saw the trailer

   Oprah needs to admit she's a lesbian trapped in a fat mans body

   The last time I had sex, I was so excited afterward I fired my musket skyward, alerting the Confederates to our presence.

   After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

   Hey,,,,Can any of you people possibly recommend 30 or 40 books on hoarding?