Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
WOW ... It was actually easy to go to Home Depot today. 
If Hunter Biden's name was Hunter Trump, the media would be killing him right now...
If you cant afford a kid, then shut your legs.
Can't afford a Carnival Cruise? just camp out next to a Port-a-Potty.
When people don't know what's going on in your life they SPECULATE....When they think they know...they FABRICATE...AND when they do know.......they just HATE
A horse walks into a bar. A chicken crosses the road. A lot of animals do things. It is not our place to judge.
Fun activity of the day, making DJ scraching sounds with my hoodie zipper!
The only difference between sanity and insanity is someone else's opinion.
Tell a woman she has cute kids and she's all proud. Whisper it to her and she calls the cops.
Ever just apologize for no reason whatsoever? No? It must be nice being single.
does this hybrid make me look gay??
In a survival situation you can drink your own urine. Fortunately my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the bottle and I didn't need to.
Kris Humphries of the Nets signed a 2yr $24 Million Dollar contract! Not bad considering the Nets are owned by Jay-Z, who's bestfriend is Kanye West, who is banging Humphries ex-wife!!!
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
Shockingly Pitbull's first name isn't Feat.
There are 3 types of females in this world. There are ladies you introduce to your mother, there are women you introduce to your friends and there are girls you show the door to
Well, it's looks like a, 'brush my teeth on my shirt sleeve and head to Walmart' kinda day ツ
To any of you sick guys out there thinking about catfishing me, I'm terrible at texting back and scared of commitment so please just move along.
Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can’t see that it says: “This one had insurance. Don’t kill him.”
Snookie should have named her son Oscar because he spent 9 months living in a garbage can. 