Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Failed biology because apparently the answer to "what is commonly found in cells?" Isn't "Blacks and Mexicans"

   Big Tech censoring Demlibers? I’m not seeing anything about how great Joe is doing.

   And the Lord said unto John, "Come fourth and receive eternal life..." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

   My friends say that I'm gay because I don't like football. What a bunch of idiots. I'm gay because I like c0ck.

   Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks me what I'm doing. 4square asks me where I am. Conclusion: the Internet is my girlfriend.

   Did anyone else know that "Fes" from That 70's Shows' name stands for (F)oreign (E)xchange (S)tudent

   TO all you women that like to SCREW married men.......Im Available..!!!

   So sad... Please put this on your status if you know or are related to someone who suffers from stupidity. People need to understand that stupidity is real and should be taken seriously. You could be sitting next to a stupid person right now.

   Hospital walls have seen and heard more sincere prayers than any church

   I always wondered why cross eyed people never get hit crossing the road. Then it hit me. They are always looking both ways.

   Let's face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.

   Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are officially more embarrassing than my dad.

   When God asks what you've done with your life, try not to say "Didn't you read my facebook status updates?"

   i made a starteling discovery this morning, apparently someone broke into my house last night and stole my "baggie" jeans from last year and replaced them with "skinny" jeans

   There are no winners when you're arguing to someone about Politics.

   I need to scratch my balls but can't find my wife's purse...

   We are around 7 billion and we have differences but can we at least agree that a person found guilty in rape deserves the death sentence?

   I found out I have CDO. It's like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be

   This is a test of the facebook emergency notification system. Had this been an actual emergency, the entire message would have been in capital letters and you would have been directed to post this as your status message immediately. This is only a test.

   A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy walk into a bar. They have a great time, they're friends. It's 2014 you racist punks