Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
When the doctor says "drop your pants" I can never resist the urge to say "ooooohhh....Kinkeh!" 
I'm so old that I remember when Entertainers actually performed at a Presidential Inauguration without receiving death threats!
It turns out Liberals are "Latinophobes" .... You ever notice how they always say they are moving to Canada if Trump gets elected? Why don't they ever say they're moving to Mexico? Yup ... Latinophobes!!!
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I'm Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.....
I'm glad I've got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
Kim and Kanye get married. Who cares? Ain't nobody got time for that....
I tried to bring sexy back,,, but they said it wasn't in it's "original" condition
What's a pirate's fave letter of the alphabet? Trick question. They are illiterate savages whose purposes are ill-served by the written word
If Charles Manson can get married in prison I should at least be allowed to text at red lights
5 "Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine's Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald's doesn't serve breakfast after 10.30
The grass is greener on the other side because my neighbors are Mexican.
Calm down Jihadists. If you're in that much of a hurry to see 72 virgins, just go to a Star Trek convention.
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted I wish I had a puppy
My friend handed out wedding invitations at her baby shower, like the classless knocked up slut she is.
why are all these wicked and crazy storms named after women?
I tought my niece well, when we were carving our pumpkin I heard her wisper to it "that's what happens to snitches"
The only reason I know how many beers I drank last night, is because it was all of them.
I talk to an imaginary live studio audience when I'm making dinner.
Great...now everybody is a damn food photographer. Hope this fad dies out quicker than Planking. 