Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
I don't understand why women wear watches when there's a perfectly good clock on the stove. 
A study has shown that 40% of men over 40 suffer erectile dysfunction. Looking at 40% of women over 40, I'm not surprised.
I've just found my first grey pube............Don't think I'll order pizza from there again.
Girls who are obsessed with celebrities need to get a life
The best curve on a girl is her smile. Lol just kidding, look at dat ass.
"MOM, WE'RE OUT OF TAMPONS!!" - Justin Bieber
schools are back in session. Remember if you study hard enough there will still be no jobs when you graduate.
just seen an illegal mexican boy get into a van with a pedophile. talk about alien vs predator
Its already too late for some of you ladies to find Mr Right and I would advise you to just settle for Mr. What's Left or you will die alone.
The world would be a much cleaner place if we just gave blind people brooms instead of canes.
Women are actually the biggest A$$holes.First they call you a ''Player" if you speak to other women then if you don't you're not a 'challenge and they call you "boring''.
More than 90 percent of all relationships end while the girl is on her period
Why yes Officer...I did see the speed limit sign...I just didn't see your car...
kids are like farts, I can barely stand my own let alone other peoples
contemplating doing a combination of christmas and easter, wrap the gifts, then hide them all over the house, voila...Christer!!!
My hamster died today. He fell asleep at the wheel...
There's always a truth behind "JUST KIDDING", a little emotion behind "I DON'T CARE", a little pain behind "IT'S OKAY", a little "I NEED U" behind "LEAVE ME ALONE
There is a difference between a porn stash and a porn 'stache.
managed healthcare by an obsese surgeon general, passed by a Congress that has not read it, signed by a President that smokes, administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay taxes and financed by a country that is broke? What could go wrong?
A conservative, a moderate and a liberal walk into a bar. And the bartender says "Hi Mitt!" 