Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
What's wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!! 
you know it wasn't always called bipolar, it once was called being a b!tch
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, the middle one is for you!
When you wake up the first thing you do is roll over and check your cell phone
If your spouce and a lawyer were drowning,,, and you had to choose,,, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
I know my limits. I don't pay any attention to them, but I know them
don't attempt to speak a language you can't speak. Going to a market in my 1st night in Spain saying "Quiero polla" instead of "Quiero pollo" was one great lesson! Just 1 letter made the difference-I wanted to say "I want chicken" but said "I want d*ck"!
A man should never talk on the phone with another guy while lying on his stomach with his legs in the air.
upset that history channels mounted in alaska has absolutely nothing to do with bristol palin
Speaking of Fathers Day... The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
My wife decided to take up violin with good intentions but she couldn't decide which chin to rest it on
vacation plans this year include a state wide convienence store hot dog tasting tour this summer
photo albums become less interesting when all the hot chicks know how to use privacy settings :P
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
Osama isn't dead until Trump sees the death certificate!
Does anyone else have a feeling that Pakistan knows where the Hamburglar is?
Whoever said that laughter is the best medicine has obviously never had broken ribs.
Psychotherapy is like the boardgame Clue: "I know who did it. It was my mother, with the passive-aggression, in the 80's."
Free Tibet* --- *with the purchase of another Tibet of equal or greater value.
why do all the women on Maury SCREAM when they talk? 