Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
If my calculations are correct... Switching to Geico from Allstate, then transferring your policy to State Farm, only to drop them and switch to Progressive.... Auto insurance will be free! 
LOVE ~ It's a special kind of stupid.....
My interest in boomerangs comes and goes.
What's the point of the Psychic Hotline if they won't tell me where my other shoe is?!?
No Facebook, I don't want to have you as my home page. I actually have a life -_-
Osama had porn, Pepsi, Coke, TV, strange drugs, three women and more! Are you sure we killed Osama Bin Laden and not Charlie Sheen?
Now that the world is ending this Saturday, making plans for the weekend will be so much easier
Two rules of success in life: 1. Always have some secrets. 2.
Someone is not a happy camper and should learn to appreciate how those guys are saving you the time to browse through twitter for the best jokes.
Just tried to check my Farmville for the first time in 2 years, apparently I forgot to pay my taxes and the IRS owns it now.
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let's negotiate.
Whenever the brain and the heart fight it's always the liver that suffers.
You're doable, not dateable. Know your place.
I started homeschooling my kids and now we're allergic to gluten and don't believe in vaccines.
A Virginia woman on Tuesday graduated high school at the age of 111. She’s the first person to graduate high school and have her whole life behind her.
Whenever I see a piece of gum in a urinal it makes me cringe. I just can't imagine the pain that caused on the way out! And also how does it not come out like silly string?
I hit a deer last night. It died instantly. I feel awful, but when I'm jogging I'm in my own world.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
ßî†chës be trippin.. OK, I may have pushed a few.
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally 