Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks people need to quit confusing Facebook with a clothes line. It is not a place to air your dirty laundry.

   Rosa Parks never called "shotgun"

   For some of you that habitually change your relationship statuses, Facebook should offer an "is being played by _________" option.

   I was walking down the street when this man hammering on his roof called me a paranoid little freak... in Morse code. I'm pretty sure that is what he was hammering. Another neighbor smiled and waved to me in a ploy to throw me off about the hammer signals

   Shut up homework. I'm trying to do my facebook

   People who can't find happiness aren't in a liquor store.

   It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chew your ass out all day long.

   We all know someone who breathes way too damn loud.

   Iron Man is a super hero. Iron Woman is a command

   If you want to lose "friends"....tell the truth.

   hanging out with his cousin, Ahmed. Or as you know him Dave from AT&T customer services.

   im smart because I can play stupid to perfection

   WTF. I grabbed somebody sexy and told them "Hey, give me everything tonight!" They called the cops, Thanks a lot Pitbull.

   You managed to live through 01/01/01, 02/02/02, 03/03/03, 04/04/04, 05/05/05, 06/06/06, 07/07/07, 08/08/08, 09/09/09, 10/10/10 and now 11/11/11. Give yourself a pat on the back.

   According to Facebook, everyone did some really fun things with the kids this weekend and has a dog.

   To be fair, most marriages are pretty gay.

   you know you're getting too fat whe you outgrow your towel

   If you're the new guy at a Chinese restaurant are you considered the Lo Mein on the totem pole?

   If your woman is always reminding you of how other many guys want her and you are lucky she is still with you, dump that ho. Let those wolves have her.

   If Microsoft buys Facebook. Than the first notificationwe will get will be: “You have to install driver to addfriends”.