Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why is Monday so far away from Friday but Friday is so close to Monday?

   Facebook 101: Seriously, if you've got something to say to someone, say it to them DIRECTLY. Don't post it on your wall for everyone else to see because no one else is interested, and people will just think you're a egotist.

   Considering their thousand-year old dirty little secret, I wonder if the Vatican gets Amber alerts?

   I just watched 5min of The Daytona 500 and 3 of my teeth just fell out!

   I don't always drink milk, but when I do.... I prefer Dos Boobies. Stay thirsty my friends...

   It's cool to visit Mount Rushmore and remember the good old days, when a four-headed rock monster was President.

   The best things in life are free. The worst things in life will cost you half of everything you own.

   Being a virgin these days is something to be proud of; you're like a unicorn.

   Some people are worth holding on to. Some people are worth letting go. Most people are just a waste of space.

   (-.(-.(-.-).-).-) easy now... The Chinese mafia is watching.

   From this point on I propose that Herman Cain be known as Big Daddy Cain, and that he defend himself by saying 'It's a Big Daddy Thing.'

   How many years of college does it take to hold up one of those business signs on the side of the road again?

   I find it suspicious that everyone's personal god has the same beliefs as they do.

   forgive your enemys nothing pisses them off more

   Ok... Apparently its illegal to paint yourself blue and run around in the big leafy plant section at Walmart's and shout "Neytiri... I want you!"

   ...I love a girl who loves another girl who loves me...this is a strange triangle, but it could be interesting...

   if facebook was an actual book we could call ourselves intellectuals...

   Gotta love sharing a bathroom with elderly family after Thanksgiving Dinner...I feel like Andy Dufrain crawling thru those 200 hundred yards of pipe for freedom....

   does not care where LeBron is going

   My biggest regret in life is eating whatever that was I found under my keyboard about 10 minutes ago.