Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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"I got 99 cookies cuz a b!tch ate one" ~ Cookie Monster
85% of women go through life with the wrong bra size. Meanwhile every guy over 17 can tell you the exact measurement of their d!ck. Who's smarter now ladies?
My girlfriends sister sat on my glasses and broke them earlier. I was was so pissed off. Though to be fair it was my own fault for leaving them on.
Why is Monday so far away from Friday but Friday is so close to Monday?
Facebook 101: Seriously, if you've got something to say to someone, say it to them DIRECTLY. Don't post it on your wall for everyone else to see because no one else is interested, and people will just think you're a egotist.
Considering their thousand-year old dirty little secret, I wonder if the Vatican gets Amber alerts?
I just watched 5min of The Daytona 500 and 3 of my teeth just fell out!
I don't always drink milk, but when I do.... I prefer Dos Boobies. Stay thirsty my friends...
Some people are worth holding on to. Some people are worth letting go. Most people are just a waste of space.
(-.(-.(-.-).-).-) easy now... The Chinese mafia is watching.
It's cool to visit Mount Rushmore and remember the good old days, when a four-headed rock monster was President.
The best things in life are free. The worst things in life will cost you half of everything you own.
Being a virgin these days is something to be proud of; you're like a unicorn.
From this point on I propose that Herman Cain be known as Big Daddy Cain, and that he defend himself by saying 'It's a Big Daddy Thing.'
How many years of college does it take to hold up one of those business signs on the side of the road again?
I find it suspicious that everyone's personal god has the same beliefs as they do.
forgive your enemys nothing pisses them off more
Ok... Apparently its illegal to paint yourself blue and run around in the big leafy plant section at Walmart's and shout "Neytiri... I want you!"
...I love a girl who loves another girl who loves me...this is a strange triangle, but it could be interesting... 