Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ok, so let me get this straight. So after a delicate and dangerous spec ops mission, the first priority for the US is to fly bin ladens body 1000 miles to the nearest water source to give him a customary burial at sea? Oh, ok.

   I always thought saying "What crawled up your butt and died" was funny, until the day I met a man with a story about a weasel...

   A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

   Ad on the internet : The Braile superstore - Thousands of Braile products, many of which you've never seen before.

   37% of Americans agree that while they would hate being British, they wouldn't mind having a British accent....

   Do you ever think that Kermit looked at Mrs. Piggy and said, gee.... I sure would like me some bacon.

   My girlfriend has the last word in any argument... Anything I say after that is the beginning of a new argument

   Feels horrible because he just congratulated a woman on a baby she wasnt having!!! Oops!

   You're my nothing. Why? Because nothing lasts forever.

   n't letting people drive him crazy when he knows its within walking distance.

   took the road less traveled and now she's lost.

   If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement

   I'm gonna have to go ahead and agree with my body on this one.....I shouldn't have drank that......

   A Vegetarian is an old Indian word meaning "bad hunter."

   Apparently, it is nearly impossible for men to beat a women in any argument, because men have a need to make sense.

   drilled a hole in his head. Now he is bored

   This weekends forecast: Mostly drunk, scatterd shots and a slight chance of falling down..

   If you're happy and you know it...share your meds.

   My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.

   There's no more dangerous entity on earth than a woman with a lot on her mind and nothing to do but think.