Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges

   I hate people who can't make up their minds. I love them.

   Sick of people who cannot handle having their beliefs questioned with well reasoned arguments.

   What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails? Single!

   wonders if there is another word for synonym!

   Anyone noticed that "studying" is like "student" and "dying" put together?

   I wonder if kids in China ever look at their happy meal toys and think, "Hey, I made this."

   I am thinking people with Bulimia like KFC because it comes with a bucket!

   Too many people confuse "justice" with "revenge."

   First Michael Jackson and now Neil Armstrong.I see god is no fan of moon-walkers.

   Dear Rain, thanks for washing away the yellow flower sperm that "skeeted" on everything.

   What if there were no hypothetical questions?

   Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve bottles of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

   Kim Jong il last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."

   How can you tell when your wife is dead? Well the sex is pretty much the same but the dishes start piling up.

   dear GPS, please add an, "avoid ghetto" option.

   So Sarah Palin is endorsing Donald Trump. This just gets better and better doesn't it?

   Today, for the first time in history - France did not surrender!! They actually fought!

   Look down ur shirt and spell ATTIC.

   Last minute Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.