Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain

   Elon Musk fired 8000 employees and Twitter is working just fine. Makes you wonder what they were doing all day long.

   can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9 yr old boy living in Namibia. He has 1 leg, 1 arm, and 1 eye. Each day he rides 7 miles to school with a bike w/ bent wheels and no brakes. If you just send $2, we will send you the video it's freaking hilarious.

   ┌П┐(◕‿◕) ┌П┐

   My neighbor is crazy. After playing some Justin Bieber at high volume at 7 o'clock this morning, he commited suicide by shooting himself 8 times in the back with my gun.

   Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It's dark isn't it?

   After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing

   Dear Kanye, Roses are Red, Voilets are Blue, If Justin Bieber wins an AMA, you know what to do!

   Breaking news! Colin Kaepernick spotted working at a McDonald’s in Northern California!

   Mike, Who, Cheese, Harry ~ say it faster

   In the movie 2012 the first thing that flooded was New York and now it is 2012 and New York is flooding. Just saying. !!

   My ex got run over by a bus today,,,,, I thought, "WOW,That could have been me!"...... But then again , I don't have a bus drivers license.

   My three favorite shows about murderers are Dexter, Hannibal, and SportsCenter.

   I'm a man. I've loved beautiful women. I've beaten other men in fist fights. But when my mama says she's proud of me, I'm 5 years old again.

   Those people who try to tear you down are just pissed that they can't reach you where you are standing.

   I'm writing a thanksgiving cookbook called "50 shades of gravy."

   I am painting a blue square in the backyard, so google earth thinks I have a pool!

   "Dude, She Called You Poor!" "OH HELL NO, Hold My Food Stamps"

   How do they fit so many islands into such a small bottle of dressing??!!

   Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)