Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It does'nt matter how hot she is,,, there is someone else out there who is sick of her $h!t

   My super power is leaving a party without saying goodbye to anyone.

   I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that's for here."

   It's only a matter of time before "Security Cameras of Wal-mart" becomes a reality show.

   Only a person with a drug problem will get mad at you for trying to hand them a hamburger instead of the money they ask you for to buy a hamburger.

   We still don't know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS

   Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!

   Subway's new slogan should be "Eat fresh, but not TOO fresh."

   "Update the force, Luke"....... *Adobe Wan Kenobi

   Finding out Charlie Sheen tested positive for HIV is like finding out Bob Marley tested positive for marijuana.

   Women are the most common legal drug...They give you the best highs, the worst lows, and they are so, so addictive...

   Women always say they can do whatever a man can do. I bet they can't tuck their balls between their legs.

   I think The Timeline went a bit too far when it posted a photo of me being conceived!!!!!

   Put a viàgrã pill in your fuel tank...atleast the fuel indicator will stay up !! :D

   My new favorite way to flip people off is to put my middle finger to my forehead and say, "Look, I'm a Unicorn!" Yup. I'm that mature.

   saw two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard boxes... pillow fight?

   Vampires have lost alot of street cred the last few years. They used to be scary, now everyone thinks they're a bunch of emo b*tches.

   When will women ever learn? You cant go on hunting for a new man when you still have pictures of your ex all over your albums. Get rid of that sh*t first.

   Treat your girl right, or another guy will...or maybe another girl.

   I wish some people could just look at there own true colors of there character and see what an ugly picture they are painting with it.