Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The only reason I don’t cheat is because I’m lazy. It’s too much work losing arguments to one woman already.

   If I offend anybody tonight I apologize in advance, it's not my intention. I'm not gonna guess what your personal line of decency is. I cross my own from time to time, it's how I know I still have one...

   Everything happens for a reason. That's why I drink to everything!

   If you tell me to "grow up" I will point at your shirt and flick your nose with my finger when you look down.

   Romney thinks he should be able to pull up to other Gulfstreams, roll down window and ask for Grey Poupon

   To my American friends 9/11 will never be forgotten. ... much like 7/11/95 to my countrymen in Bosnia...RiP to all 8.980 that lost their lives in Srebrenica massacer and may God be with their families

   Hey person that always has to make a comment that ruins my status, f*ck off! You're just jealous that I came up with a better status than you.

   If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?

   She fell asleep and as usual, I cleaned my balls with a baby wipe for nothing.

   Facebook must be Female. . .just when I think i've figured her out. . . she changes

   Relationships are like farts... If you push too hard, things could get messy!

   If it's your birthday this month, then you know your parents really enjoyed Valentine's Day.

   Serious question: Are doctors SURE erectile dysfunction isn't just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?

   If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself.

   I think I may have misunderstood my boss when she told me that she loved seeing me hard at work

   We fought wars so we wouldn't care about royal weddings.

   Dear Moammar Gaddafi, Let Bin Laden be a message to you. If you do not stop, the United States will get you.......in 10 years...

   4 out of 5 men prefer women with big asses. The 5th guy prefers the other 4 guys

   Do NOT lower your standards to "keep" anyone. Make them meet you at YOUR level. Self respect is power.

   thinking about starting a group called "Just let me put the head in". Who wants to become a fan?