Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?

   She fell asleep and as usual, I cleaned my balls with a baby wipe for nothing.

   Facebook must be Female. . .just when I think i've figured her out. . . she changes

   Relationships are like farts... If you push too hard, things could get messy!

   If it's your birthday this month, then you know your parents really enjoyed Valentine's Day.

   Serious question: Are doctors SURE erectile dysfunction isn't just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?

   If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself.

   I think I may have misunderstood my boss when she told me that she loved seeing me hard at work

   We fought wars so we wouldn't care about royal weddings.

   Dear Moammar Gaddafi, Let Bin Laden be a message to you. If you do not stop, the United States will get you.......in 10 years...

   4 out of 5 men prefer women with big asses. The 5th guy prefers the other 4 guys

   Do NOT lower your standards to "keep" anyone. Make them meet you at YOUR level. Self respect is power.

   thinking about starting a group called "Just let me put the head in". Who wants to become a fan?

   Happy Birthday to YOU, Google. May this be the year you find what you've been searching for......

   How much horsepower does your horse have?

   All this talk about the Royal baby is bringing back bad memories for me. Last time I was third in line for the throne I shat myself in Pizza Hut....

   My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.

   got a free iPad and iPhone today. It's like this gun is magic.

   Why do men think women are so complicated ?? All you have to do is give us chocolate, tell us we're pretty, and assume everything we say is right

   I downloaded the sound of a toilet flushing and made it my ex's ringtone to remind me what a piece of s@#T he is.