DeeX Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Has Al Sharpton's presence EVER made anything better?
←Rate | 05-04-2015 07:59 by DeeX Comments (1)  


   messageicon Everyone else's plans for pretty weekends: "I'm going to the lake" "I'm hanging at the pool" "We're going to the park for a picnic" And I'm just over here like "I'm gonna eat a waffle."
←Rate | 06-29-2013 12:02 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon The difference between "fetish" and "felony" is checking beforehand
←Rate | 05-08-2015 05:47 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I'll catch the next one. She's mad at me now.
←Rate | 03-28-2013 10:58 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so glad television redefined the word "marathon" to mean the exact opposite of physical exercise.
←Rate | 03-19-2015 04:31 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's funny how women that love expensive things give themselves away for next to nothing.
←Rate | 07-12-2013 11:33 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women claim to not care for looks as much as guys do but I doubt they'll go see Magic Mike or 50 Shades or Gray if it starred Steve Buscemi and Seth Rogan.
←Rate | 02-06-2015 04:59 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey A-Rod, will you sign my syringe???
←Rate | 08-06-2013 00:12 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyones like "George Zimmerman this, no justice that" I'm just over here like, "I'm gonna eat a popsicle."
←Rate | 07-13-2013 22:30 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: "Now, I'm going to go to the bathroom and take off my 1 pound of makeup, high heels, push-up bra, colored contacts and 3/4 of my hair and then we're going to talk about YOU being more honest."
←Rate | 11-25-2014 05:17 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?
←Rate | 03-30-2013 16:52 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not sure if Internet p@rn has really ruined any relationships but I'm sure it's ruined some keyboards.
←Rate | 03-28-2013 16:11 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anal bleaching; because you never get a second chance to make a first impression.
←Rate | 07-14-2014 12:00 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself.
←Rate | 05-05-2015 07:13 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
←Rate | 02-11-2014 23:57 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whitney Houston found dead in the tub, her daughter found unresponsive in a bathtub, maybe that family should start taking showers.
←Rate | 02-05-2015 17:44 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon The fact that Gordon Ramsay hasn't been gutted yet is all the proof I need to know that his show is staged.
←Rate | 05-29-2015 05:52 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
←Rate | 06-21-2015 03:32 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon It seems like I can have any woman I DON'T want.
←Rate | 12-22-2013 15:12 by DeeX Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some days, you just gotta remind yourself "Stab'em below the waist and it's only assault, NOT attempted murder."
←Rate | 12-24-2013 11:36 by DeeX Comments (0)  



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