Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook stalking should be classified as a hobby

   There comes a time when you just look at yourself in the mirror, and say" f**k it, this is as good as it's gonna get."

   It's hard to tell if someone's short email means they're mad or just busy. I always reply, "Thanks, C***face!" just in case.

   my idea of a drinking problem is not having any booze to drink.

   If I ever wake up in a room with a bunch of people and a tape recorder that says, "Hello, I want to play a game", I'm gonna be pissed!!!

   Fake: it's the latest trend, and everyone seems to be in style.

   I hate running out of deodorant......with 1 armpit left to go

   I didn't get fired, I just got demoted to customer.

   We're adults? When did that happen and how do we make it stop?

   You know you have problems when you mentally click a "like" button every time you see something that pleases you..

   What I know about you has earned my attention. What I don't know about you is what makes you interesting.

   The bartender at Buffalo Wild Wings must be a 49er fan!! They have added a power button right beside the sprinkler system!!

   I'd rather drown going against the current than glide along a journey I don't believe in.

   You may have written me off, but I'll never be erased.

   I turn every sexual experience into a love try angle.

   People nowadays take pictures, not for memories, but to post them on facebook and get comments.

   I won't lie. I only started drinking coffee after I got too old for cocaine.

   My online password is now strong enough for their website. But now it's too complicated for me.

   I swear people who like temperatures in the 90s don't actually work for a living.

   Creating unnecessary drama is a tool of the ignorant.