Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1342 of 6446

Facebook stalking should be classified as a hobby
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10-07-2011 08:52
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There comes a time when you just look at yourself in the mirror, and say" f**k it, this is as good as it's gonna get."
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10-12-2011 18:21 by g0re
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It's hard to tell if someone's short email means they're mad or just busy. I always reply, "Thanks, C***face!" just in case.

my idea of a drinking problem is not having any booze to drink.
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04-18-2011 15:46
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If I ever wake up in a room with a bunch of people and a tape recorder that says, "Hello, I want to play a game", I'm gonna be pissed!!!
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04-24-2011 14:49 by hovo
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Fake: it's the latest trend, and everyone seems to be in style.
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05-01-2011 13:51 by bijoux
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I hate running out of deodorant......with 1 armpit left to go
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07-05-2011 10:16
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I didn't get fired, I just got demoted to customer.
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08-15-2011 03:16
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We're adults? When did that happen and how do we make it stop?
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01-05-2013 11:43
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You know you have problems when you mentally click a "like" button every time you see something that pleases you..

What I know about you has earned my attention. What I don't know about you is what makes you interesting.

The bartender at Buffalo Wild Wings must be a 49er fan!! They have added a power button right beside the sprinkler system!!
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02-03-2013 21:02 by urboyblue
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I'd rather drown going against the current than glide along a journey I don't believe in.
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09-18-2012 04:37 by Czovczov
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You may have written me off, but I'll never be erased.
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09-29-2012 07:11
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I turn every sexual experience into a love try angle.
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10-06-2012 11:39
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People nowadays take pictures, not for memories, but to post them on facebook and get comments.
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08-02-2012 00:45 by BEGO
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I won't lie. I only started drinking coffee after I got too old for cocaine.
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08-02-2012 10:45
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My online password is now strong enough for their website. But now it's too complicated for me.
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08-06-2012 14:15
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I swear people who like temperatures in the 90s don't actually work for a living.
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08-17-2012 02:05
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Creating unnecessary drama is a tool of the ignorant.
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07-05-2013 12:46
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