Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
←Rate | 08-30-2014 11:47 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone's ok with that.
←Rate | 09-02-2014 13:35 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Due to extreme weather in upstate New York, some drivers were stranded in their cars for up to 36 hours. It was intense. Some of them reported hearing that new Taylor Swift song on the radio as many as 100 times....
←Rate | 11-21-2014 14:16 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon If people insist on acting like an idiot, I must insist on treating them like one.
←Rate | 03-07-2011 14:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing left for me to do is to walk on water, and even at that some people would snicker and say, 'What, you can't swim?"
←Rate | 07-11-2011 03:56 by Mick F Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd probably get a lot more done if it wasn't for me.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 15:02 by geez Comments (0)  

   messageicon Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
←Rate | 07-21-2011 08:49 by Mark Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can almost pass a lie detector test if you answer every question with "go fish."
←Rate | 10-01-2011 13:07 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon i dont have trust issues, I just know people who have lying issues
←Rate | 10-04-2011 22:07 by natemorales Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I had a penny for every time I thought of you.... I'd have a penny.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 14:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can't run from your problems forever. Eventually, you'll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
←Rate | 02-05-2011 14:57 by MelMys Comments (0)  

   messageicon it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson's by 2011?
←Rate | 02-09-2011 21:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you know 25% of car accidents in canada involve a moose.I say we don't let them drive
←Rate | 02-10-2011 05:21 by gnome Comments (0)  

   messageicon Friends don't tag friends in hideous Facebook pictures.
←Rate | 02-13-2011 20:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks, confirmation email telling me I've successfully unsubscribed from your emails. You just had to win didn't you?
←Rate | 02-27-2011 16:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you ask me, NASCAR would be much more entertaining if the drivers had had as much to drink as the fans.
←Rate | 06-14-2012 18:35 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon How about adding "Be a nice person" to your bucket list. Any as*hole can jump out of a plane.
←Rate | 06-27-2012 11:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Making a million friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a friend who will stand by you when millions are against you.
←Rate | 02-07-2012 09:07 by XXX-FUXY Comments (1)  

   messageicon if 10% is good enough for God is should definitely be good enough for the IRS!
←Rate | 02-20-2012 15:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If girlfriend has no texts in their phone history, you are totally being cheated on.
←Rate | 02-21-2012 22:05 by BEGO Comments (0)  

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