Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon How about adding "Be a nice person" to your bucket list. Any as*hole can jump out of a plane.
←Rate | 06-27-2012 11:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Making a million friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a friend who will stand by you when millions are against you.
←Rate | 02-07-2012 09:07 by XXX-FUXY Comments (1)  

   messageicon if 10% is good enough for God is should definitely be good enough for the IRS!
←Rate | 02-20-2012 15:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If girlfriend has no texts in their phone history, you are totally being cheated on.
←Rate | 02-21-2012 22:05 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon Heading to the pawn shop. We have an extra 5 gallons of gas and gonna make some money!
←Rate | 03-23-2012 09:34 by Jerry Carter Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a talent for only attracting people I have no interest in dating.
←Rate | 04-14-2012 23:07 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only people mad at you for speaking the TRUTH are the ones living a LIE.
←Rate | 12-28-2011 22:52 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
←Rate | 01-21-2012 09:47 by K-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can someone please explain why I have to pay full price for Swiss Cheese
←Rate | 01-23-2012 15:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They call themselves political “parties” because they expect the working class to clean up the mess after they've had their fun.
←Rate | 01-25-2012 16:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate it when I'm trying to kill a spider but then I lose track of it and I become a victim in my own home
←Rate | 04-19-2012 20:58 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll act my age when I'm 69.
←Rate | 05-07-2012 20:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think your child is annoying, imagine what I think.
←Rate | 12-27-2012 08:17 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I appreciate the Super Bowl for uniting all Americans in our inability to read Roman numerals.
←Rate | 02-03-2013 13:06 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
←Rate | 05-02-2013 09:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The hardest part of gift buying is convincing yourself you don't deserve the gift more than the person you're buying it for.
←Rate | 05-06-2013 14:03 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Irony: Putting Jodi Arias on suicide watch while she's facing the death penalty?
←Rate | 05-08-2013 21:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bill Clinton has been acting funny ever since Michael Douglas made that oral sex comment.
←Rate | 06-15-2013 10:33 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon The day Bruce Jenner finally snaps and locks his entire family in his Escalade and pushes it into his swimming pool just got one stupid baby name closer.
←Rate | 06-21-2013 09:46 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon After visiting a nursing home I always come home and pray I'm eaten by bears...
←Rate | 09-03-2012 12:09 by Rick Comments (0)  

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