Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 128 of 6369
" I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb."
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08-16-2018 22:17 by Haha
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My Girlfriend said she's leaving in the morning because of my "Wham" obsession!
I replied...
"wake me up before you go go"
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09-15-2018 16:00 by Truman
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You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.
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10-18-2018 03:28 by Crewz
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I often get a "yes" from women, but it's usually followed by,
"that's him officer"
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10-19-2018 12:04 by Truman
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Kissing is weird. At some point, multiple cultures independently came to the conclusion that wanting to lick the inside of somebody's mouth shouldn't be exclusive to dogs.
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11-01-2018 17:16
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Some people should
use a glue stick
instead of chap stick.
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11-06-2018 18:17
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My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
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03-05-2017 18:16 by X
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Wow. Hard to believe in only a month my wife and daughters will be returning the gifts I bought them.
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11-27-2013 19:06 by snotty
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All I want for Christmas is you ...... Just kidding I want Money
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12-14-2016 00:40
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Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
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03-18-2017 09:08
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Everything I know about electricity I learned from watching my drunk friends do home repairs.
My Life Coach just told me that I've been in the placebo group. FML.
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05-02-2017 06:41
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Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn't exist?
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05-30-2017 08:27
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when you drop your iphone, remember that's gravity that makes the apple fall
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07-30-2017 22:52 by Eddy
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I went to church and a very nice man walked up to me and offered me a whole plate of money. I didn't want to be rude, so I took some of it (like, twenty bucks), and I told him to donate the rest to a charity.
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08-01-2017 09:18
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What the lottery really is.. "Hey guys, lets pool all our money together and make someone a millionaire!!
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08-25-2017 12:32 by Mr. K
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I told my psychiatrist that I've been hearing voices. He told me that I don't have a psychiatrist.
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09-10-2017 20:45
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I've started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
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09-12-2017 09:04
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My doctor thinks I'm paranoid. He didn't say it, but I knew that's what he was thinking
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09-16-2017 14:42
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If you don't remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
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09-26-2017 21:00
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