Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon * 21st century where deleting history is more important than making it.
←Rate | 05-17-2018 15:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Dos Equis guy: Seriously. What guy DOESN'T think he's the most interesting man in the world after he's had a few beers?
←Rate | 06-18-2018 11:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
←Rate | 07-16-2018 17:16 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We'll both regret it soon enough.
←Rate | 08-13-2018 13:20 by Reuben Comments (0)  


   messageicon " I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb."
←Rate | 08-16-2018 22:17 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Girlfriend said she's leaving in the morning because of my "Wham" obsession! I replied... "wake me up before you go go"
←Rate | 09-15-2018 16:00 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.
←Rate | 10-18-2018 03:28 by Crewz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I often get a "yes" from women, but it's usually followed by, "that's him officer"
←Rate | 10-19-2018 12:04 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kissing is weird. At some point, multiple cultures independently came to the conclusion that wanting to lick the inside of somebody's mouth shouldn't be exclusive to dogs.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 17:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
←Rate | 11-06-2018 18:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think I need to be in a mental institution, then I look around and think that maybe I already am.
←Rate | 11-29-2018 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So how did Amish.com happen?
←Rate | 12-10-2018 21:15 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear future musicians of the world. Just because you can push a button with a drum sound does NOT make you a musician. People used to actually play their instruments.
←Rate | 12-18-2018 22:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at “we have a warrant”
←Rate | 12-22-2018 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just blocked someone on Facebook for correcting my grammar and it feelted good.
←Rate | 01-09-2019 10:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon She blinded me with science! Well, Chemistry... Mace. It was mace.
←Rate | 01-12-2019 10:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being an adult is eating the crust not because you like it, but because you paid for it.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 12:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife told me to get rid of my Hall & Oates collection. I told her I can't go for that.
←Rate | 05-30-2019 06:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think COVID-19 is just a ploy by Netflix to get people to stay in and actually watch Adam Sandler movies.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:11 Comments (0)  




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