Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you're reading this while camping out in front of Walmart. You're a douche bag.
←Rate | 11-21-2012 15:25 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.
←Rate | 01-13-2013 15:30 by fazmanaz Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you want to go running with me, you'd better be prepared to walk a lot.
←Rate | 04-30-2013 23:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Samsung, please also start selling jeans that can accommodate your smartphones
←Rate | 04-17-2013 04:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite hobby is to add my neighbors' wireless printer to my PC and print a document that says I'M INSIDE YOUR HOUSE AND COMING FOR YOU.
←Rate | 05-09-2013 20:50 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oh, you brought a laptop with you to Starbucks? You must be so very important.
←Rate | 08-29-2012 22:24 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
←Rate | 09-09-2012 14:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Global Bacon shortage better be the first debate question tonight, and I WANT ANSWERS! No lies....
←Rate | 10-03-2012 18:24 by sully Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do I hate people who ask and answer their own stupid questions? Absolutely
←Rate | 10-06-2012 13:58 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I didn't drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
←Rate | 06-30-2013 13:55 by Willis Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear person bragging about your awesome vacation.... everyone else wishes you never came back too.
←Rate | 07-10-2013 19:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All the people with barbwire tattoos should join together and form a border wall between US and Mexico
←Rate | 02-11-2013 13:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It is spelled, "you're" an idiot....idiot.
←Rate | 03-21-2013 15:40 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's freezing outside. I hear by declare January Nipple Awareness Month.
←Rate | 01-22-2013 08:42 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook is neat because it provides a platform for me to connect with old friends, make new ones, and figure out which one's are completely insane.
←Rate | 12-07-2012 21:43 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon Other than insecurity, alcoholism, infidelity, and sheer stupidity most of you are pretty much perfect.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 11:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what someone said?
←Rate | 04-15-2011 02:16 by Felesar Comments (0)  

   messageicon 45. People who call with blocked numbers deserve to not get answered!
←Rate | 05-05-2011 06:58 by BRian Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're talking on your cell phone in a public bathroom, I will flush the toilet over and over so your friend knows *exactly* where you are.
←Rate | 05-14-2011 13:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon when will people understand. "i can't hear you while I'm chewing my doritos!"
←Rate | 09-18-2011 22:26 by gee Comments (0)  

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