Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Tiger finished Yesterday with a 69. There has got to be a joke in there somewhere.

   Anybody that says "I don't know what I did to deserve this" knows exactly what they did to deserve it.

   facebook timeline, creating new arguments for the future !

   Liquor stores are open 24/7 when you have a brick.

   The definition of a beautiful woman to me is the one who loves me,,,

   Did you ever actually think about what you did, while sitting in the corner as a kid? I was planning my revenge for the punishment!

   ALL relationships require compromise and giving and sacrificing ur way for the sake of others. You can't have ur way ALL the time and expect to have fulfilling relationships. ;)

   You call it "too lazy to start something", I call it "patience"...

   So I saw an old women on a little pink bicycle a few min. ago.....i think she has proven her eligibility for the thug life.

   Life isn't fair. Especially when I'm involved.

   The computer just crashed and erased all the work I didn't do this morning.

   I throw my sandwich in the air sometimes saying ayo I said no mayo.

   Was playing air guitar and ripped her spandex while doing a mock stage dive off the sofa!!

   You know I'm a Duke boys fan..but how is it Luke always knows short cuts that Bo doesn't? They're always in the car together!!

   getting ready to enter the "drinking" portion of the evening.

   Remember, the next time Iceland says "pull my finger" ignore it

   thinks that some drug manufacturer's should rethingk their marketing. "We can cure your asthma but this product may cause asthma related death." Really? I think I will live with the asthma...

   I know I looked like a complete idiot on that wedding video but the camera adds 10 drinks.

   I would say Happy Mothers Day on this, but my mom doesn't have a Facebook so it wouldn't matter.

   confesses he only watches "Dancing with The Stars" for the boobs.