life Funny Status Messages

   The only reason why your girlfriend likes your d!ck, it because her momma told her to enjoy the little things in life

   New Life goal, make it to the bottom of my chapstick before  I lose it.

   Some times I just want to control alt delete my life and hit Esc. . .

   I wish I had the confidence in real life that ugly people have on Facebook.

   Do more than belong.. Participate! Do more than care.. Help! Do more than believe.. Trust! Do more than be fair.. Be kind! Do more than forgive.. Forget! Do more than dream.. Work! Life keeps going, be part of it..

   The way my luck runs, if I were hanging on to the side of a cliff for dear life, the person reaching down to pull me up would be a leper.

   Why does it seem like I need a machete, a jack hammer, and Jaws of life nearby everytime I need to remove a childs toy from it's packaging

   Nothing in life is free.... Someone always pays!

   Life isn't a garden...so stop being a hoe!

   Married women think I'm way too awesome to be single. Single women don't give a sh!t what married women think. Life is still stupid.

   You can't judge a book by its cover. I read that on a book cover. It's like a life lesson if you really think about it.

   Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life

   You're just once young but you can be a fool for the rest of your life.

   Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it's a survival thing.

   I have done literally nothing in my life to prevent forest fires.

   Life is weird, first you wanna grow up, then you wanna be a kid again..

   I've done a lot of stupid shit in my life, but at least I've never signed up at the gym in january.

   I really dont understand why I’m still a virgin when I have never watched any Twilight Movie or bought any Justin Bieber Album in my whole life.

   I asked my wife for advice once. Worst three days of my life.

   The day you start looking forward to being abused in the nursing home is the day you realize your life sucks