Funny Status Messages

   eating something immediately after brushing your teeth must be part of the things you do during recruitment as a terrorist.

   I told my wife she has to embrace her mistakes. So she hugged me.

   I believe in doing things in a definitive manner. That being said, in the unlikely event I decide to do any looting, I'm going to loot a lute.

   Kit Kat is coming out with a vegan version of their bar and I imagine their theme song will be Break me off a piece of that veggie based bar.

   Bike Week is here at Daytona Beach. It's noisy and crazy! Speaking of noisy and crazy, next week is Tyke Week. It's a bunch of 5 year olds on Big Wheels driving on A1A hounding their moms for grilled cheese and putt putt golf.

   Someone tried to tell me I was a vampire once but I checked the mirror and just couldn’t see it!

   Hillary gotta be a kinda special lover. She lost to a black candidate back in 2008, today to a Trump!

   I just found out ISIS has been using porn sites to send subliminal messages! This explains my urge to run out and buy fertilizer every day...

   My doctor needed a stool, a ur-ine, a se-men and a blood sample. I gave him my underwear.

   Valentine's Day was started accidentally when an irresponsible man gave a bow and arrow to a cherub-faced Baby and he shot the man's lover in the heart ... true story.

   Steve Miller.. "Some call me the gangster of love"..... Steve Miller`so band... "Ummm, yeah,,, Nobody calls him that"....

   For a person who loves having a lot of gold things. That trump would have a golden retriever.

   If I dumped a can of green beans on the ground, I'm pretty sure my kid would eat every one of them...

   Just been reading a letter from my Chinese penpal in Wuhan and apparently they hav

   HOT = Hoez Out Today

   Feck as others would feck onto you...

   You hate yourself? Cool, I guess we do have something in common. I hate you too. Let's date

   I can't use the word euouae without experiencing cramping, abdominal pain, bloating &

   looks like God was look look lookin at his Gucci and decided it was about that time

   I Can not tell a lie with out believing it first My self..Elvis lives..!