life Funny Status Messages

   My life is like Grand Theft Auto V except I drive a Subaru Outback and the cops wave at me

   Who else thinks their ringtone is the best, but when you're in public and it rings, it's the most embarrassing moment of your life?

   Life's like a box of chocolate, it doesn't last very long for fat people.

   your inference that I am without religion is incorrect and I am actually torn between two faiths; while your gods promise of eternal life is very persuasive, the Papua New Guinean mud god, Pikiwoki, is promising a pig and as many coconuts as you can carry

   The word OK looks like a sideways person. I've said OK my whole life and never noticed him. What's up little guy?

   Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”

   I thought my life was miserable until I saw yours.

   I would rather be known in life as a honest sinner, than a lying hypocrite.

   There are no winners in life... only survivors.

   see ladies, it's easy to get ahead in life. Just marry a surgeon and screw a General...

   I want to pause for a moment to remember all my friends that gave a life in Candy Crush Saga. Your sacrifice has not gone unnoticed

   Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. So GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE!

   You're like a drug to me, not only am I hooked on you but you're also ruining my life...

   I just watched Bug's Life and cried the whole time I mowed the lawn.

   No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.

   Just once in my life I want to kick someone out of my office by saying "I said good day sir!" I suppose I'd need an office first.

   Have you ever looked at someone and said to yourself, "Life would be so much better if their mom had just swallowed"?

   I Would Never Be With Someone Just Because They Were Financially Stable. I Would Rather Live In A Trash Can With The Love Of My Life, Than To Live In A Mansion With Someone That Activates My Gag Reflexes.

   out making some changes in hisher life...leave a message and I'll get back yo you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes!

   I give up on life when I picked up this girls phone and saw my contact name as FREE FOOD.