Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I heard Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning... Apparently they found some 12 year old nuts in his mouth.

   ▂ ▃ ▅ ▆ █ AT&T 3G - I got your map right HERE Verizon!

   Women should have three breasts - two in front and one in the back for dancing.

   I got water trapped in my ears after taking a shower.. It was a near deaf experience

   We're independent but we DEPEND on other countries' resources and goods...Like China and England..Can you Contradiction.

   My ex texted me: I Miss You... So I replied: We're sorry, the subscriber you are trying to reach doesn't give a f*ck

   What happens when the government shuts down? Obama will stop getting free watermelon?

   obama first black to go in the white house wiith out a brush

   Since it's a Leap Day and also a Hump Day.....I wish Obama would take a flying Leap up a camels ass so far he hit's the Hump!

   Life is too short to dance with fat girls

   I really hope that I don't get another sweater for Christmas. I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer. lol!

   Yo mamma so fat she use a ipad as iphone

   To all the single mothers out there.......KEEP YA HEAD UP, cuz ain't no man worth your time down there....

   training for his fight with Apollo Creed

   THERES A VAN ACROSS THE STREET THAT SAYS "FREE CANDY" I WONDER IF THEY HAVE TOOTSIE POPS....IM GOING TO CHECK! :)

   I got my name tattooed on my p*n*s. My girl goes, "Stop trying to put words in my mouth."

   Love me? Great. Hate me? Even better. Think I'm ugly? Don't look at me. Don't know me? Don't judge me. Think you know me? You have no idea

   Dear Americans, you need to burn Calories, NOT THE QURAAN !!

   Hangover 2 people Hangover 2.

   Drugs don't ruin your career. Drug tests do.