Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A girls r like a mosquito: when it stops making a noise,you know it's up to something.

   "Do they know it's christmas time at all?" Yeah they should. They made most of the presents.

   Every womans' dream is a nice big wedding. Every mans' nightmare is a nice big wedding

   wants to do it like they do on the discovery channel

   just had my LEFT side removed. I'm all RIGHT now

   Patience is the ability to let your light shine after your fuse has blown

   Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife

   What's better???????.... A hot woman drinking more than you or that same woman buying you drinks?

   remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit..

   knows that hangovers are Gods way of saying you kicked ass last night.

   WTF It's been 25 something years since Charlie Bucket took over the Chocolate factory,and we are still buying Wonka Bars! I want a damn Bucket Bar! I know wonka picked the wrong kid. Veruca Salt would if had her own bar by know.

   I was a little disappointed in my morning.. the crayon said peach.. but it sure didn't taste like peach!

   There are two types of people in the world - those who have had Dinty Moore's Beef Stew and those who have not.

   I go where I please...and I please where I go.

   Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it - I don't care.

   FACT: Hairy women like rough sex!

   Just parted the red sea with a big log. Moses would be proud.

   ESPN just reported that their kicker just tried to hang himself, luckly he could not even kick the chair out from under himself.

   Fat chicks are like a moped, fun as hell until someone catches you on one...

   Let's get drunk and cuddle, coz I want to cuddle your brains out tonight.