Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   its a beautiful day in Mr. rodgers neighborhood.. .

   thank you for keeping me sober facebook....you are another source of support and you dont have any idea...i check in with friends and it keeps me busy...thank you

   Just walked in the shower with my socks on....AGAIN

   as I once heard from a Scottsman "Well Oil Beef Hooked"!

   I will not listen to people who burst my bubble because they are always negative. But I will listen to people who I know have my best interests at heart even if they burst my bubble.

   can't stand people who say "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

   singing , , , , , chameleon ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪

   When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.

   Males are born with a closed fist.Girls are born with the left hand cramped in a position of the size of a credit card!

   I guess the cop knew I was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home

   Alzheimer's can't be all bad. You get to meet new people every day

   I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.

   if I had a nickel for evertime I ignored your friends request, I could buy facebook with all my change..

   I hired Helen Waite as my assistant. So if you need anything from me you must go to Helen Waite.

   trying to think of ways to coax the gerbil out. Shoulda known they could chew through a sock

   planning on stuffing my turkey with Froot Loops - I find it is colorfully festive and fun for the kids!

   Thanksgiving: Stuff the bird, make some stuff, stuff the tables with the stuff you made, and last...(trumpet sounds)...stuff your FACE! ... You just made those trumpet sounds, didn't ya???

   Cranberry sauce is seriously misnamed. Sauce doesn't retain the shape of the can it comes in. Let's call it what it is. That stuffs cranberry jello.

   Sometimes when I'm bored I take red and blue M&Ms and walk up to random people...And try too convince them that one of them will get'em out the Matrix.....

   I think the bird of love is the dove. My husband thinks it's the Swallow