Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thank you Tom Brady for showing the world that you have way more GOD given talent than Tebow!

   I was so excited when I learned that Rosie O'Donnell had a Heart Attack...then I found out she was still alive.

   Woohoo! Marco Rubio For President Of The United States of America!!!

   # For someone who doesn't know what they're talking about, he sure does do alot of talking.

   The equation for Lady Gaga's Bad Romance :(RAH)^2 (AH)^3 + RO(MA +(MA)^2) + (GA)^2 + OOH(LA)^2

   what do you tell a woman who has two black eyes... nothing you've already told her twice!

   A 27-year-old was arrested after posting on Facebook he was engaged to a 14-year-old. His relationship status: “It's Illegal.”

   my Facebook password is your girlfriends name

   still embarrased about what I did for a klondike bar....that was 2 years ago leave it alone people..........

   Damn right I'm good in bed. I can sleep for days!!

   confesses, as a kid he used to have a crush on that crazy-ass evil blonde chick on "Little House on The Prarie"

   women are much smarter than men.Think about it,diamonds are girls' best friend...a mans best friend is a dog.

   Do fathers who live in barns say to their kids "Open that door! What do you live in a regular house?"

   my sub teacher in 11th grade was born without arms, he asked a girl "need a hand" & she laughed ..he should of slapped her!

   : How do you keep a facebook friend busy? Refresh this screen to find the answer.

   am no gynaecologist but am gonna look anyway!!!!!

   Men have Adam's apple, and women have Eve's cherry

   Love Walmart where everyone can Enter through the EXIT door and exit through an ENTER door!! What are we all on DRUGS??

   You're getting a cow? Maybe you mean a Muu Muu.

   If you look closely at my 13.1 sticker, you can see a tiny asterisk leading to another sticker that says " *ft."