Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't consider myself a Tebow hater...that label is placed on we Tebow realists by his sycophantic minions. Just now...he threw a dead on pass...at the receiver's ankles.

   These bathsalts sure do make me feel funny.....

   You can't judge a book by it's cover, but you can judge a douchebag by his bluetooth earpiece

   I have CDO. - It's like OCD but all of the letters are in alphabetical order, AS THEY SHOULD BE!

   TEACHER: what is the opposite of laughing? STUDENT: fu*king... TEACHER: why is that? STUDENT: well laughing is Ha Ha Ha and fu*king is Ah Ah Ah ....

   On Easter Sunday when Jesus came forth from the tomb and ascended into heaven he was technically moving back in with his parents.

   what the difference between a g@y guy mustache and a straight guy mustache? ... The smell

   Jerk off so hard your sperm dies of shaken baby syndrome.

   Necrophilia, lay back and crack open a cold one.

   The guy who discovered milk….What was he doing with that cow?

   I'm dressing as a cop for Halloween and telling ladies to "lick it or ticket!!"

   The tattoo of Donald Trump's face on my anus is symbolic because he too is full of shi t, but my a$$hole has a better hairstyle

   Human beings are the plague of this planet!!

   I love my new phone. I can now undate my status while crossing the stre

   Like if you knew Mitt Romney moved to France to skip the Vietnam draft. Flipper/Dodger.

   I want to do something different tonight so am thinking about sitting on the TV to watch the sofa!! hehehe

   Elisabeth Hasselbeck is going to Fox News, which will be a better use of her skills, such as "having a face" and "being wrong about things"

   Trump mocks the physical appearance of a reporter who suffers from a congenital disease. Idiot.

   I've read the final chapter, God wins....

   not supposed to be up this late...