Funny Status Messages

   Listen ladies, you know men are not faithful so how bout giving us some tips on how to cheat properly because ya'll the best at it anyway.

   I wish my gps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

   It's so hot here, gangsters are doing drive bys with squirt guns.

   Every time an angel has a menstrual cycle a maxipad gets its wings

   "I just want to sit on your Face" ~ is that being to forward?

   On a scale of 1 to Osama Bin Ladin, how good was my hiding spot??

   Eminem made a better Superman than Nolan.

   Welcome to Vegas,,,,,, Where what you don't know about your bedspread won't hurt you..

   Today 9/6 marks the end of my 7 years of bad luck for breaking a mirror. just like this one here......oops, Oh crap, not again.

   I remember waking up after my first wet dream....I thought a ghost had came in and gave me a handjob.

   I didn't lose my faith, I found reality.

   Someone needs to remind men in their 40s that tucking the T-shirt into their jeans does not make them look any younger.

   I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.

   Happy Mothers Day!..Thank You Dad for not Pulling Out!

   Remember to wish your dad a happy Father's Day, as well as thanking him for not wiping you up in a tissue.

   late at night, when everyone is sleeping, I fill up the bath tub with marinara sauce and pretend that I am a meatball.

   I had to take a lie detector test at a job interview once. No I didn't.

   Never underestimate a Cat 1 Hurricane: I've never seen a situation involving one cat, water & a blow dryer end well..

   It's easy to call it TrumpDontCare - so let's go with it.

   Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don't think soooo.