Funny Status Messages

   - I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste!

   It feels like my entire generation can be summed up in six words from a Nirvana song: Here we are now, entertain us.

   Its taken me 20 some odd years to figure out who was the favorite child, until I went to my moms basement last week and found a box labled Sean's bath toys- It was a radio and toaster..

   Don't be Jealous of Me... If you had to walk a mile in my shoes you'd probably need year of therapy.

   Before you judge people, make sure you're better than them, or at least you're not one of them.

   I can't hear you, so I'll just laugh and hope it wasn't a question

   Canadian bacon is just ham wrapped in a lie

   , "so let me get this straight. Sex and the City is about three hookers and their mom?".

   Tell your friends that the F5 key puts photos back the way they were on facebook:)

   suggests: The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

   it me or does everyone get sick of pancakes by the time you are done eating them...

   ready to have male pattern baldness become "in style"

   My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my 'WTF' lines and those things are deep.

   The packers were in it right up until the end of the national anthem.

   ..... I don't think accepting tens of millions of dollars from foreign entities is really the best qualification for a person seeking to become President of the United States.

   I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it's Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.

   Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?

   STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life

   I'm gonna make this girl mine..... Right click, Save As....

   Are you sure we haven't met before? Because I feel like I hate you from somewhere.