Funny Status Messages

   I love when doors automatically open for you, it makes me feel like I am a JeDi ;D

   Always finishes what I sta

   I was given 4 E's and LSD last night… Such an awful start to a game of scrabble.

   I see myself as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and says, "Oh look at that!" Then whoosh, and I'm gone... and they'll never see anything like it ever again... and they won't be able to forget me - ever.

   it wrong to laugh at the flaming gay guys getting attacked by bees? What? It's funny!

   OMG. A real girl in real life just tried to talk to me. I didn't know what to say, so I asked her what her zodiac sign was. That's good, right?

   I now have the same number of Tour de France titles as Lance Armstrong.

   The side effects of the medicine I'm on include nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, nausea, repeating things four times & difficulty adding.

   soccer is way more fun to watch when you pretend the ref really wants to play but is too scared to touch the ball

   Looking back on my time taking flight lessons,, I realize why I could never be a pilot. Not because I'm afraid to fly or couldn't handle instructions from the tower,,, but because I kept making machine gun noises at EVERYTHING I saw.

   Just bought a Hyundai but it's sonota big deal.

   Santa, you either take my name off the Naughty list, or I show Mrs. Claus those pictures of you with that little blonde elf that works in the Doll department!

   God exists because without God, there'd be no devil and I was married to the devil.

   God exists because without God, there'd be no devil and I was married to the devil.

   I hope Manti's girlfriend likes San Diego.

   Confusion: Father's day in the ghetto

   "Why is it that a insecure person(d.j.t.) needs to express their accomplishments that they never accomplished.

   I tried having a personal relationship with God. But he said he only liked me as a friend.

   I don't know about you, but I think Kanye still has a chance.

   Ben of Ben & Jerry’s has come out with an ice cream inspired by Bernie Sanders. A carton costs $3.99 but when you include tax, it’s $200 million.