Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Me: It smells like upsexy in here. Girl: What's 'upsexy'? Me: Oh nothing much 
Be thankful for everything you have. There is always somebody out there that is less fortunate then you. Hope everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
50,000 gather at Rockefeller Center to witness public execution of 74-year old tree.
Are we still saving whales? My basement is getting pretty full.
busier than the drummer of Def Leppard.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.....
Dear Santa, I don't recall asking for a bigger butt for Christmas. It's not that I don't appreciate all the gifts that you brought me, but I'd just like to know... can I exchange it for a smaller size?
I think the best nicknames are the ones people don't know they have.
I'm gonna assume my sisters email got hacked and that she has not really resorted to becoming a penis pump sales person..
still accidentaly writes 2009 instead of 2010... and this will probably continue until the end of February.
It's so hot in here Nelly and his crew just showed up.
now currently accepting resumes for a Full and/or Part time girlfriend. All applicants may apply within. You will be contacted with a call back if you meet the appropriate requirements. Please send you # at FB mail. Thank you
Behind every great man is a ninja. And behind that ninja is another ninja.
Recently lost a penny. If you've seen it, please FedEx it overnight to me. It was copper in color and had a picture of a dude's profile on it.
i was trying to remember how to throw a boomerang and then it suddenly came back to me
life is such a fkn rollercoaster then it drops, but what should I scream for? this is my theme park. my mind shine even when my thoughts seem dark.
When the phone rings and you want to screw with the caller, just answer saying, "Bob's Orphanage, you make' em we take' em!"
This lady in front of me has more coupons than groceries!
Subway is being sued for lying about length?!?!?....Not the first time length has been lied about!
One time I farted so loud in my sleep they had to stop the bus... 