father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   Going to dress up as Maury Povich for Halloween and visit the hospital delivery room telling the guy he is not the father.

   Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, and actually came back home.

   A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.

   When he was my age, my father had three kids, owned two businesses and a house. I can't even pull that off in 'The Sims'.

   By the time my father was my age he had amassed, like, 30 coffee cans full of screws. I have none. What have I done with my life?

   $1400.00 per child? Hold up Maury, I just might be the father after all.

   [Getting home from fishing trip] MOM: Catch anything? ME: No, but a bear did MOM: Where’s your father?

   My chore list is cleverly disguised as a Home Depot gift card again this Father's Day.

   THE MOST CONFUSING DAY IN THE GHETTO IS FATHER'S DAY....

   For all of you Dads out there who went out for milk, and actually came back home -- HAPPY FATHER'S DAY......

   Even though he was voiced by James Earl Jones, Darth Vader definitely wasn't black because he never would have admitted he was Luke's father.

   Danica Patrick's dad is probably the first father in history that's happy to see his daughter on the pole.

   father's day is a great time to stop into a strip club to remind yourself that you could have done worse as a father.

   some old man is claiming Oprah is his daughter.... I think she should atleast interview him on her show. Not because he's her alleged father but because he's a black man admitting he's the baby daddy!

   A friend who just returned from a visit to the recently looted CVS in Baltimore said all that was left in the entire store was suntan lotion and Father's Day cards...

   Yesterday I met my ex-girlfriend’s son and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.

   Going to dress up as Maury Povich and visit the hospital delivery room telling the guy he is not the father.

   My father taught me that Respect was something that had to be earned ..... So I'm still trying to figure out how looting and burning other peoples stuff is supposed to build respect for your cause.

   If there's one thing I've learned since becoming a father it's just because the kids say they don't want any bacon, make 2 extra slices, because they are lying.

   If you have never said "Luke, I am your father" into an empty pringles can, then you probably should get on that