santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Well it’s that time of the year to go outside and pretend to put up the Christmas lights I never took down from last year.

   I better lay off the Christmas cookies, my snow angel I just made looks like someone just pulled a stump out of my yard.

   Unlike Rudolph, I don't have to visit the Island of Misfit Toys this Christmas. I work there.

   Don't worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Worry about what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas party.

   All I want for christmas is to keep the things i've got.

   Well its December. Time to spend an hour putting up the Christmas tree and 16 hours fighting with the wife about it.

   The worst part about getting a monogrammed sweater for Christmas is having to find someone with your initials to regift the thing to

   uncertain of what the etiquette is here, I got Kim Jong Il's name in Secret Santa.

   I may not always celebrate holidays, but when I do, I prefer Christmas. Stay cheerful, my friend!!

   (Tiger's Christmas Song) Oh the weather outside is frightful. Having many tramps is so delightful. Just so my hot wife don't know…text a ho, text a ho, text a ho.

   A Christmas tree isn't going to be the only thing lit this holiday season

   My parents accused me of being a liar. So I looked them straight in the eye and said "Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, Easter Bunny." And walked away like a boss

   'twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming... Just cuz I went into the wrong house

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with!

   In 2015, if you're dreaming of a white Christmas, you're a racist.

   Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny, seemed to like the rich families more. Who liked the poor families more? the Stork.

   Holidays are way too commercialized now a days. Please keep in mind the true meaning of Christmas while and your loved ones put up Christmas lights that are currently 75% off at Walmart!!

   "Dear Santa, seeing you cant define naughty, is it possible you could overlook september for me"?

   Santa is too real! I saw him outside the liquor store last night and he smells of Bourbon and Marlboros.