life Funny Status Messages

   I used to have a life outside of work. Now I have a wife outside of work.

   At what point does the amount of abnormal in your life become so great that abnormal is your new normal?

   Perseverance is not a passive submission to circumstances , it's not passive endurance -it's a strong and actve response to difficult events of life...it's the quality on standing on your feet as you face the storms..it's not simply the attitude on facing

   likes reading FML stories because it makes my life seem Amazing!

   loves life; but life thinks we should see other people.

   I wish comicbook disguises worked in real life. A pair of glasses would open some many possiblities for me.

   Sometimes I think life would be more fun with a "thumbs down" option for people like I have on Pandora for songs

   Think about it this way: Due to all of the successes Steve Jobs had, news of his death is spreading faster than it ever could have. That's what I call a life's accomplishment.

   helped my neighbor with something this morning and she said to me "I could marry you!" I couldn't believe it... you do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return...

   I don't sweat the small stuff. I let it fill me with rage. Then I drink. Then I sweat alcohol. It's like the circle of life.

   If there is a hell, I already know that I'm going there. So at this point of my life, it's really go big or go home.

   My boss told me "Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life," "Well, it got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago, Chile in 2009," I informed him. "Really?" he asked. "No," I said.

   I can't believe I wasn't paying attention at 1:11 on 1/1/11. Argh. I waited all my life for that to happen. Darn, darn, darn it. 2:22 on 2/2/22 just won't be the same.

   Life lesson #35890: You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't flick your friends out the car window.

   Cheers to alcohol the cause of and solution to all life's problems.

   Life is funny. Well ok, just My life. Ok everyone please stop LOL-ing,ROFL-ing, and LMMAO-ing. Thank you

   Some people think their religion and political views are “correct” and everyone else to them must be wrong. Some people seem to think their view of what work and life should be (or can be) is the right one…and everyone else is a dumb-dumb.

   life has no remote.change it yourself

   Don't be so hard on Melania. It's not like that high school dropout who got by on her looks and married rich ever took shortcuts in life.

   I'm that guy that carries a boombox on his shoulder at funerals with "Circle of Life" ready to play in case a pregnant woman gives birth.