Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon "If you want to fly, you got to give up the sh*t that weighs you down!"
←Rate | 10-13-2011 18:02 by @kraziedavid909 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Intelligence is like underwear: It's important to have it, but you don't have to show it off...
←Rate | 03-07-2011 14:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon read that a new study indicates that 80% of children aged 0 to 5 are already exposed to some computer use. In response to show their concern, Apple Computer has announced the new iCrib to target the remaining 20%.
←Rate | 03-16-2011 11:24 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy and in a good place this morning. Now... If only I could remember how the hell I got here!!!
←Rate | 04-01-2011 11:36 by Lonagan Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband snores at night, so he bought a bunch of those Breathe Right Strips for me to shove in my ears
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:00 by Destiiny Comments (0)  


   messageicon would like monkey bars alot more if they were less like playground equipment, and more like places monkeys go to drink beer and socialize
←Rate | 06-13-2011 13:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn't, they'd be married too.
←Rate | 01-31-2011 11:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Insomnia Train has arrived. I didn't want to board, but I was shoved. Now I'm sitting here, I have no clue where I'll end up and I don't like the company. I sure wish it was The Crazy Train instead.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 18:59 by Momofthewildthings Comments (0)  


   messageicon already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
←Rate | 02-05-2011 10:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I tolerate you better than I do anyone else" is the new "I love you."
←Rate | 02-10-2011 17:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Mona Lisa is one of the most respected pieces of art in the history of the world, and yet, the second you put a replica of it in your living room, it instantly becomes the tackiest piece of sh*t I've ever seen, Mom.
←Rate | 02-13-2011 21:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to the “you snooze you lose” principle, insomnia makes us winners.
←Rate | 03-05-2011 14:57 by Charles35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon whenever theres a need to sign into an online acct and it asks the security question 'whats your favorite animal' I wonder how many ppl besides me answer with Liger.
←Rate | 04-19-2011 12:51 by BonBon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything is so digital these days, my kids can't even read a clock with hands.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 23:44 by Cheryl Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...today's the day we mother's get some relief from the curse OUR mother's handed down when they told us "one day you'll have a kid JUST LIKE YOU!!" Have a great MOM'S DAY everyone!! =D
←Rate | 05-08-2011 00:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to skip my digestive system and just place my Chipotle burrito directly into my toilet.
←Rate | 05-17-2011 16:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been keeping this a secret for almost a year now because I didn't want to lose friends: I don't work on Mondays.
←Rate | 07-16-2012 03:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got kicked out of a Gatorade convention. I guess standin behind the women and whispering "is it in you?" was the wrong thing to do.
←Rate | 07-17-2012 22:05 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what I like most about people? Pets.

←Rate | 07-23-2012 15:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.
←Rate | 07-23-2012 22:22 by BEGO Comments (0)  




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