father OR dad Funny Status Messages
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the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, Daddy, what are you doing? The father replies, Making a baby. The little boy says, Well, do her doggie style! I'd rather have a puppy instead!
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05-28-2010 00:44 by Pacumbo
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If I can just make it one more day without some kid that I've never seen before wishing me a happy father's day this weekend will be a success.
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06-16-2012 21:42 by JYP
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When I date single moms, I tell the kids "I'm not trying to fill the hole left by your father; just the ones inside your mother."
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10-09-2012 14:26 by Baddie
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Fun fact: If you say 'Bloody Maury' into the mirror three times, you WILL be the father
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03-13-2012 07:53
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Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne’s father shouldn’t have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.

I refused to believe that my road worker father was stealing from his job but when I got home all the signs were there.

The celebration of single moms on fathers day blows me! Single moms do some amazing things but being a father isn't one of them.
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06-17-2012 08:52
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Dear Dad. Thanks for not pulling out. Happy Father's Day!
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06-15-2013 22:10
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In these times, when a celebrity cheats on his wife with multiple women, he gets criticized and exploited everywhere. Back in the founding father days, a man cheats and his face ends up on the 1, 5, 10, 20, 50, and 100 dollar bill.
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05-04-2010 13:12 by Danmanz
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This hood rat on Maury found out dude wasnt the Father, she ran so far backstage when I turned the Channel she was on 106 & Park!
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01-08-2013 23:59 by Fadolo
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The Democrats finally came forward and ruined Chelsey Clinton's life with the news that Janet Reno is actually her father.
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06-30-2010 07:47
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Dear God, Happy Father's Day.
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06-16-2013 12:35 by J.D.
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Happy Father's Day, God!
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06-21-2015 17:42 by guest-TJ
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wondering if Sugar Daddies get anything for Father's Day?
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06-21-2010 00:13 by COREY
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I was chillin' with my buddy and his wife walked in and said, "Happy Father's Day! You're so much more than the guy who used to buy dollar store condoms."

Taking care of your drunk friends inadvertently prepares you to be a father or mother.

"Luke, I am your father." - Darth Vader, after Luke won the lottery.
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11-19-2015 07:14
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"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been..." "Ma'am, please just vote and exit the booth!

My father is at that age where he will have a full on conversation with a telemarketer.
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10-11-2013 20:19 by snotty
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The reason it's called Mother Nature is because if it were Father Nature the weather would be a lot more predictable
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10-31-2012 07:19
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