father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   wonders that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.

   the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies, “Making a baby.” The little boy says, “Well, do her doggie style! I'd rather have a puppy instead!”

   If I can just make it one more day without some kid that I've never seen before wishing me a happy father's day this weekend will be a success.

   When I date single moms, I tell the kids "I'm not trying to fill the hole left by your father; just the ones inside your mother."

   Fun fact: If you say 'Bloody Maury' into the mirror three times, you WILL be the father

   Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne’s father shouldn’t have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.

   I refused to believe that my road worker father was stealing from his job but when I got home all the signs were there.

   The celebration of single moms on fathers day blows me! Single moms do some amazing things but being a father isn't one of them.

   Dear Dad. Thanks for not pulling out. Happy Father's Day!

   In these times, when a celebrity cheats on his wife with multiple women, he gets criticized and exploited everywhere. Back in the founding father days, a man cheats and his face ends up on the 1, 5, 10, 20, 50, and 100 dollar bill.

   This hood rat on Maury found out dude wasnt the Father, she ran so far backstage when I turned the Channel she was on 106 & Park!

   The Democrats finally came forward and ruined Chelsey Clinton's life with the news that Janet Reno is actually her father.

   Dear God, Happy Father's Day.

   Happy Father's Day, God!

   wondering if Sugar Daddies get anything for Father's Day?

   I was chillin' with my buddy and his wife walked in and said, "Happy Father's Day! You're so much more than the guy who used to buy dollar store condoms."

   You can tell what was the best year of your father's life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and just ride it out.

   My father always said The sky's the limit! Which now that I think about it might be why he lost his job at NASA?

   People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father.

   Happy Ugly Father's day tie, day!