friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   If you're upset with a 200 year old statute and not the 70 murders in the US last weekend, you need to refocus your anger...

   I had no idea it was black Friday in Baltimore.

   1-2 Freddy's coming for you... ---oh wait! wrong movie! Happy Friday the 13th!

   I have an actual date this weekend so if any of you are in love with me, you better say something or forever hold your peace.

   I wonder if my drug dealer is going to have any Black Friday deals.

   Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman's ability to find a reason to post a selfie.

   Fourth of July weekend is when we finally get to play our favorite American guessing game, Firework or Gunshot!!!

   I've got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I'm gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.

   1.Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who's free for the weekend.

   The week has seven days: Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Friday, Saturday and preMonday.

   Daylight Saving Time this weekend but try not to lose any sleep over it

   hoping to be abducted on Monday and set free on Friday...I know its a pretty wishful thinking.

   Turned my brain off for the weekend and now I can't stop coming up with ideas for Adam Sandler movies.

   Super Bowl Weekend!! Should I wear my shot glasses or beer goggles??

   Screw it, I'm starting Friday now.

   41 shot in NYC this past weekend, 77 in Chicago, 24 in Atlanta. But it's ok... no need for the media to report it. There were no police officers involved.

   What's the appropriate cutoff age for playing in an inflatable bouncy house? Please let me know ASAP as this will impact my weekend plans.

   ■If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. ~D.Larson

   This Friday, the offical Christmas tree was delivered to the White House. Unfortunately, the Secret Service had already let in three other trees that claimed they were on the list.

   tired of counting down to the next weekend or vacation so.... only 18,245 days until retirement. Take that society!