life Funny Status Messages

   Gym, tan, listen to tiesto's club life

   we have chosen death over life, hatred over peace, arguments over understanding, conflict over family, etc. We are our own worse enemy endangered species!! Sad but true ain't nothing gonna change until dig within self and accept God "within"...

   When you can do the common things in life in a uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

   Don't know what I'd do with my life if Facebook didn't notify me that my hundreds of friends changed their profile picture every 5 minutes.

   I've been making the same mistakes in life for so long, I should just call them traditions!

   Whenever women make fun of me because I'm poor, it really hurts. Iv'e been poor my whole adult life. I can't help it if I have an earning disability

   I am the author of my life, Unfortunately I am writing in pen, So I cant erase my mistakes

   A childhood of Disney movies has left me sorely disappointed in the lack of spontaneous musical numbers in my life...

   For the life of me, I can't understand why small and medium pizzas exist.

   Some people think their religion and political views are “correct” and everyone else to them must be wrong. Some people seem to think their view of what work and life should be (or can be) is the right one…and everyone else is a dumb-dumb.

   I tried to end this farce of a life by jumping off a bridge only to discover that I can fly

   Facebook allows me to see what my life would look like if I had married my girlfriend that I had in my 20s. - Dodged a bullet there.

   My life coach just advised me to,,, "run out the clock"

   It's depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.

   Sometimes The Best Things In Life Are Worth Waiting For.. So Wait For Me I Will Be Right Back...

   Life should be this simple: do whatever makes you happy until you die.

   LIFE TIP: Next time you do something illegal, look serious and carry a clipboard.

   You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

   Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life. Give an octopus nunchuks, no one's eating fish ever again

   Thinks there are better things in life than alcohol. but alcohol makes up for not having them