sweetlikeantifreeze Funny Status Messages

   Let's all take a moment and be thankful spiders can't fly

   I want a drug sniffing dog but for all the wrong reasons

   If you don't read my status, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't read my status?

   Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down… You have my word

   Dinner guests coming over later and I forgot to take something out. Does anyone know how to turn beef jerky back into steaks?

   BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them

   I don't hate you…I'm just not necessarily excited about your existence

   Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet

   If I ever get Bieber fever, just let the fever kill me.

   I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can't say ‘M' without your lips touching. 2.You're trying it now looking like an idiot. 3.Now you're smiling.

   You never realize what you have till it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

   Stop adding people you don't know on Facebook as your “friends”. Friends aren't Pokemon cards, you can't collect them all!

   Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life. Give an octopus nunchuks, no one's eating fish ever again

   Nomophobia, the fear of being without a cell phone, is the most common phobia