father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   My father is at that age where he will have a full on conversation with a telemarketer.

   Out of the 20 richest women in the world, only one did not inherit their money from their husband or father!

   So I Went to pick up my date for homecoming, Her father said make sure she is home and in bed before 11PM, I Said " Don't worry Sir, I'll have her in bed by 830" :D

   My father of the year hopes and dreams were crushed the moment I joined Facebook.

   Did you guys hear about the Italian atheist? He doesn't believe in the God-father....

   Thank God Zimmerman's wife and father-in-law weren't wearing a Hoodie and didn't have any Skittles on them!

   A young boy comes home from school one day and says, "Mommy! What's a lesbian?" She replied, "Ask your father when she gets home!"

   hoping no kids wish me a happy father's day today.

   Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."

   I'm white, but not "know where my father is" white.

   If on Father's day you don't post a picture of your dad carrying you as a baby, I'm not sure you really "love" him.

   Dear God, I could have wished a happy Father's day but decided against it considering how an absent, unaring and neglecting dead-beat dad you have been. I bet Kanye West would make a better father than you.

   father's day is a great time to stop into a strip club to remind yourself that you could have done worse as a father.

   I would wish my father a Happy Father's Day on Facebook but I blocked him

   Remember to wish your dad a happy Father's Day, as well as thanking him for not wiping you up in a tissue.

   Dear God, Happy Father's Day.

   In honor of Father's Day, I came up with a bourbon and cookie diet that is going to make me so rich... And fat... And drunk... Well, at least two of those

   For Father's Day, I just want to wear my Crocs and Ed Hardy shirt and still be loved.

   Father's Day; the most confusing day in a trailer park where chances are your father might also be your older brother.

   The ONLY 2 acceptable excuses a man can't spend time with his child is if he's DEAD or IN JAIL, Happy Father's Day