Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 679 of 6382
If athletes get athlete's foot and tennis players get tennis elbow. What do gynecologists get........ Tunnel vision.
←Rate |
07-26-2018 20:24 by Jake
Comments (1)
Demi Lovato is doing a remake/cover Amy Whitehouse's REHAB
←Rate |
07-26-2018 19:50
Comments (0)
It doesn't matter if you're black or white, heterosexual or homosexual, man or woman because cats hate all of you.
←Rate |
07-26-2018 14:43
Comments (0)
When Jimmy Garoppolo said he watches a lot of film, I thought it was talking about football
←Rate |
07-26-2018 10:01 by Kado
Comments (0)
Please don't say piracy is a victimless crime... Escape Plan 2 is 1h 45m of my life I will never get back again
←Rate |
07-26-2018 02:13
Comments (2)
"When did hamburger start needing help?"
←Rate |
07-25-2018 23:49
Comments (0)
Just a reminder: it reads WE THE PEOPLE. We’re all in this together as HUMANS. Doesn’t mean we own this planet as a religion or race.
←Rate |
07-25-2018 23:33 by Meh
Comments (1)
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash. no hope and no jobs. Hope nothing happens to kevin Bacon.
←Rate |
07-25-2018 21:37 by Jake
Comments (2)
People who read tabloids deserve to be lied to.
←Rate |
07-25-2018 21:12
Comments (2)
Did you hear. DEMI LOVATO New song? Sober not Sober
←Rate |
07-25-2018 20:45
Comments (0)
I will only date a woman 3 times. I'm not scared of commitment. I'm scared my wife will find out.
←Rate |
07-25-2018 14:59 by Jake
Comments (0)
In my 20s: My knees hurt from being on my knees 😏 In my 30s: My knees hurt from being alive
←Rate |
07-25-2018 14:59
Comments (0)
it's so hot, Bloods and Crips have resorted to shooting each other with super soakers
←Rate |
07-25-2018 14:36
Comments (0)
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I'm making you up.
←Rate |
07-25-2018 12:33
Comments (0)
When I'm bored, I like to superglue Doritos to the neighbor's cat and watch it run around the neighborhood like a little stegosaurus.
←Rate |
07-25-2018 11:13
Comments (0)
If a bear tries to attack you in the woods, give it your bicycle. Maybe it's one of those circus bears. I mean, hey, you never know....
←Rate |
07-25-2018 11:10
Comments (0)
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
←Rate |
07-24-2018 21:01 by BobbyT
Comments (0)
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
←Rate |
07-24-2018 20:59 by Jake
Comments (0)
Your Nano died? No biggie, just recharge it. Oh. You said "Nana", didn't you? Damn.
←Rate |
07-24-2018 06:45
Comments (0)
If killing them with kindness doesn't work, just kill them.
←Rate |
07-24-2018 06:43
Comments (0)