Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Don't hate me because I´m good, hate me because I know it!!! 
Adam's first words to Eve: "Stand back, I don`t know how big this thing gets!"
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out
I do NOT have an attitude problem... Yes, I may have the attitude, but YOU'RE the one that seems to have a problem with it...
America, the land of the free.....unless you're an American!
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so are you but the roses are wilting the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
If I told you the Brooklyn Bridge was for sale would you buy it? Well I don't buy your bullsh!t either!
Saving money on her car insurance by fleeing the scene of an accident.
Its fun to see blue water turn green after I pee in it...see kids, science is fun...
Dear Ghetto Mom...no one is going to hire your chils named Shaniquillla
doesn't want you to call me lazy until you've walked a couple of steps in my flip-flops.
you can type up a whole paragraph that doesn't make any sence whatsoever and people will wonder what's wrong with you.. but if you end it with a smiley face. then it's all good." :)
Why does it take longer to build a blond snowman???? Because you have to hollow the head out.....
There's a right time to mind; and a right time to nevermind......
THERE IS A VIRUS SPREADING LIKE WILDFIRE ON FB. DO NOT ACCEPT ANYTHING FROM ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS THAT ASK YOU TO PLAY FARMVILLE. SNOPES JUST CONFIRMED IT WILL CONTROL YOUR LIFE & TURN YOU INTO A LOSER. PLEASE REPOST THIS IN YOUR STATUS.
Three biggest tragedies in a mans life...Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't..
An Australian kiss is same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
I want to play hookie from work and have as much fun and fit as much in as Ferris Bueller did in the
All sluts should come with an easy button on their forehead.
Wants to thank everybody for the Birthday wishes...I am now going to start acting my age and settle in for a "Golden Girls/Matlock/ Murder She Wrote' Marathon and tell all of the neighborhood kids to get the hell off of my lawn! 