Funny Status Messages

   you know what works better than a rape whistle? a rape pistol.

   I'm not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.

   Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right, instantly!

   If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

   Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container? :)

   Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible

   Avoid being late, just don't show up!

   Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

   The meek shall inherit the earth.....after we're through with it.

   If I kick his sister in the jaw, will that circumcise a hillbilly?

   HATE: a SPECIAL KIND OF LOVE GIVEN TO PEOPLE WHO SUCK!

   JESUS SAVES... He Passes It To Gretzky... Gretzky Shoots... He Scores!

   God created Whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.

   looking for a Facebook petition for Betty White to host the Adult Film Star Awards

   I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

   Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happend.

   The hardest thing you'll ever do is watch the one you love, love someone else.

   I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful...I look at you.. I.. I... I'd rather look at the moon again.. ;)

   Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. BUT How many of them will own up to where the f*ck they were last night????

   No one understand a bad hair day like I understand a bad hair day, I am currently rockin ruff and stuff with my afro puff!!!