Funny Status Messages

   white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to f*ck cuz its not my time of month"

   Ummmm, got drunk and tried to adopt a kid again...

   Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?

   He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagin@...

   Dear Mr underccover police car, I like your 5 extra antennas...

   Dude you should've seen this bathroom stall, it was like I had to clean up Heroshima before I could drop my Nagasaki.

   if it is not on wikipedia, then you are wrong, lady

   if you're going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair.

   my face is leaving in 10 minutes - be on it.

   got excited when he had a "Group Request" in Facebook. Sadly though, it wasn't even close to the type of "groups" he had dreams about ..

   how can I miss you if you won't go away?

   loves when he adds a friend and that friend NEVER posts a message to me or anything....why did you even add me ya stoop

   ̿̿̿ ̿' ̿'̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ this is a stick-up... give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!

   loves big ( @ )Y( @ ) and small (.)y(.) chesticles.

   There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Ones who make things happen, ones who watch things happen, and ones who wondered what happened.....

   Well that's funny...actions do not speak louder than words when you're beating a mime.

   The she in all those "that's what she said" jokes.

   I wear the pants in my house ....... straight after I've washed and ironed them. Yep I'M THE BOSS when shes not home and she bloody well knows it too !!!

   saw a sign in the hospital the other day that read "Family Planning - Use rear entrance" ........ good advice I thought

   You must been born on the freeway .cuz that's where most accidents happen.