santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   If judging others is a sin, Santa must be going to hell.

   I'm dreaming of a liberal Christmas, where nothing is paid for, I always sit on the couch with my hand out, waiting for the people with jobs to pay me more.

   .Merry Christmas to most,and to a select few of you may santa flush his $hitter over your chimney!

   guess I have got to that stage in life where I am either too old for presents or my family has converted to hinduism in my abscense :(

   I hate the smell of Walmart when I walk in. It smells like old beer and subway. Merry Christmas everyone!

   Dear Santa, I'm writing to let you know that I've been naughty... and it was worth it. You fat, judgmental b@stard.

   Well Santa has started his Journey and is now in Australia. I hope he is careful over Iran. Last thing we need is to have him shot down and used as the latest Iranian Spy drone..

   How did I end up on the naughty list? I sold my soul to Santa as a kid for better toys. Too bad I'm dyslexic.

   Since going green, Santa has stopped using coal and now fills the stockings of kids on the naughty list with windmills.

   I don't think NORAD should be publishing the location of Santa. This is just the sort of information we don't want the terrorists to have.

   This is like the 8th Christmas in a row I've been doing my last minute shopping & forgotten about the 10 day waiting period on handguns.

   Should I be worried that Santa just de-friended me?

   Why is my wife asking me for a watch for christmas? She already has one on the microwave and oven!

   Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don't mix it up this year!

   Christmas Eve. As we they in San Francisco: May the corpulent bearded homo sapien in the scarlet suit smile upon your chosen shrubbery.

   I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I am everyone's great big bag of weed when they come home for the holidays.

   Christmas and St. Paddy's Day are the busy season for midgets.

   As a kid, did you ever see Santa claw himself down the chimney and make fun of your pyjamas? My shrink claims it never happened!

   Dec 24th , Christmas Eve , the most exciting day of the year no matter how old you are .......

   Why no one ever pick Santa, or elves, or reindeers as a school's mascot? "Let's go Santa, Let's GO!"